This assignment comes from a phone conversation with my brother, who suggested I make my own tour guide. I promise the recommendations that follow have more to do with fighting boredom than the recession.
How to be a tourist without traveling or spending any money
So you can't afford a trip, or take time off of work, and whenever someone says "staycation" you want to lock them in the trunk of their own car. And you are also so sick of your town. Anyone can find free gallery openings and half-off movie nights, but what you need is to find a tourist's appreciation for the place where you live. You will not achieve this by visiting all the attractions you took your parents to when they visited, or in fact by doing anything you've done before. But if you follow this advice, you will surely feel like a stranger in a strange land.
First, get a camera. Documentation of your journey is crucial in order to experience it fully. Try to get a film camera, ideally a disposable, so you can't see the photos until you get them developed.
Find some clothes in your closet that you haven't put on in a very long time, and wear them.
Get on a bus line you've never traveled on before. If you don't normally ride the bus, all the better to feel unsure of yourself. Stop on a street you've never seen. Take pictures of the loneliest thing you find there. Walk for a while, without any destination in mind.
Keep catching buses and getting off and walking until you are lost. If you really put your mind to it, you can end up somewhere strange and vaguely menacing in its unfamiliarity, unable to remember exactly how you got there or how to return. Allow the anxiety to build as you try and fail to get back to a place you recognize. Panic.
Ask a stranger for directions. Feel relieved and comforted by the fact that no matter where you are, somebody knows what's going on.
Once you have your bearings again, find a tall hotel, office tower, or apartment building with roof access. Don't research this ahead of time; instead, go to the tourist center of town and just walk into buildings as if you belong there, and see if you can get to the roof. Sometimes you need a key to get through the door at the top, so you may have to wait for a guest and follow behind them. If it's too cold for that to happen, just try different hotels until you find one that's more accommodating.
Breathe deeply. Photograph the view, and then just look at it. Stay on the roof for at least twenty minutes, or until you want to leave - whichever takes longer.
Have a picnic somewhere you wouldn't normally picnic, like the lawn in front of someone else's office building, or a parking lot. This works equally well whether you are alone or with another traveler. Don't just hastily scarf down a sandwich - the key is to really make a meal of it. Bring a main course, side dishes, plates, silverware, cups and a beverage. Lay everything out on a blanket. Take your time eating, savoring the meal, your solitude (or your company), and your surroundings.
When you get back on the bus, listen closely to someone else's conversation. Imagine what their life is like, or what they look like, or what the other side of the conversation is. Take notes.
Back home, go to your back yard or, if you don't have one, any patch of grass you walk by every day. Lay down on your stomach, and observe the tiny fauna you find in front of you. Attempt some wildlife photography with your camera. Stay there until you feel really itchy.
As night approaches, congratulate yourself for your sense of adventure. It's time to put on some swanky party music and pour yourself a drink - tomorrow you'll go back to being a local.
